If She Only Knew

If She Only Knew

Over the years, I've sat with a number of our teachers at lunch every day, most of them female. The difference in the way the genders think is staggering and I mean that in a good way. I learn so much from them but sometimes, it's like listening to a conversation in Chinese to me. This is from May 12, 2010 and helps explain my mystification! 

At lunch Monday in the cafeteria, I sat with Rachel Matthys, one of our intermediate teachers. As teachers do, we swapped teaching stories. Rachel told me how several days previous, she was called upon to sit in on a sixth grade boys Bible class until Casey Farris, their teacher, could get there. Casey, our Lower School Administrator, was in a parent meeting and would be a few minutes late. The topic being covered was dating from a Christian perspective. Believe me, we don't encourage twelve year old romances but kids need to know what's in store in the coming years as God would have them view it. Of course, the young men were curious as to a married woman's insights. This is what she told them: 
'You might as well forget about having a relationship with a middle school or high school girl because they don't know what they want.' 
I immediately chipped in my two cents to her lesson:
'The Bangles.' 
Rachel didn't catch on so I sang a line, not very well, of  If She Knew What She Wants, a huge hit for The Bangles in the 1980's. The song was written and first recorded by singer/song writer Jules Shear but his version was far eclipsed by the lovely Susanna Hoffs and her mates. I doubt there has ever been a song penned by a guy that better defines the bewilderment which sometimes engulfs men when considering the fairer sex. The original lyrics were in first person (I, not He) but The Bangles female version changed it to third person to retain the gender identity. Here's the introductory lines of the song:

If she knew what she wants (He'd be giving it to her)
If she knew what she needs (He could give her that too)
If she knew what she wants (But he can't see through her)
If she knew what she wants He'd be giving it to her, Giving it to her

But she wants everything (He can pretend to give her everything)
Or there's nothing she wants (She don't want to sort it out)
He's crazy for this girl (But she don't know what she's looking for)
If she knew what she wants
He'd be giving it to her, Giving it to her

To men who find women mystifying, Jules Shear defines the mystique, which is exactly what Rachel conveyed to those boys. Paul Polk, one of the favorite kids I've ever taught and coached, lamented to me about his love life. 
"Coach, all these girls say they want to marry me but none of them wants to date me.''
(Paul, a youth minister now, ended up marrying a beautiful young lady but not one of the girls he went to high school with.) Maybe Paul just illustrated Rachel's point. Rachel told me that by the time she was in college, she knew what she wanted and what she wanted was somebody like her husband, Troy. She feels most girls lack that capacity until they reach a certain age. Well, that's a good enough explanation for me. In all my years of coaching girls' basketball, I have come to the conclusion that I know but I don't know why girls tend to think and act a certain way. I guess that's why the Lord made us male and female; it helps keep relationships from being boring.

But, I also know that indecisiveness plagues all of us at times. I sometimes wonder where I'm going and what I am doing with my life and what I want out of that life. Often I feel conflicted in my efforts to serve the Lord. I mentioned that song defined how men might perceive women. I feel the following reading, from James 4, verses 1 through 3, often paints the picture of where I see myself:
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
I bet I'm not the only one who has the conflicting desires that James describes. I bet I'm also not the only one questioning my motives when I pray. But here's the neat thing: even when I'm confused about what I want and need and where to go, God isn't. I may confuse myself and I might confuse others but I'm pretty sure I don't confuse my Maker. He's not bewildered by the person of Steve and He can overcome my biggest obstacle: me. Men might be confounded by women but The Father is never confounded by His children. Maybe, there's another song in there somewhere!

To watch and listen to Jules Shear's acoustic version of his If She Knew What She Wants, here you go:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYTND2ZwrGI
To watch and listen to The Bangles more famous version, here  you go:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mu_pNeqAQ-U
Applicable quote of the day:"Even the wisest men make fools of themselves about women and even the most foolish women are wise about men.''
Theodore Reik

God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1

Ties And Thin Mints

 

Ties And Thin Mints

What can we learn about life  and families from Girl Scout cookies? Please read on, from 1-17-07.

It was an even split. About half of my students thought I matched and half just shook their heads in disbelief. It was one of the rare days when my dress shirt was not blue, white, or white with blue pinstripes. Yesterday's shirt was a green and brown check mix. I wore the shirt for its warmth with the temperature outside flirting with the freezing mark. The shirt wasn't the topic of discussion in class, though; it was the tie. This particular neck wear was maroon with a rain forest scene, complete with frogs and toads. The bonus question on the quiz dealt with the name of the tie company. ( Correct answer- Endangered Species) I talked to my current students about the former student who gave this tie to me. I even mentioned her by name to make sure no one knew her- no one did. She was only here for two years when I first came to Houston. What I remember most was her family situation. Her folks had divorced and her dad was into drugs, having spent time in rehab. Her mother had remarried and had an adorable little girl with the stepfather. She wanted to live with her father but because of his lifestyle, it was impossible. But she felt left out by her mom and her mom's new husband, especially in regards to her younger sister. She felt trapped and she felt as if she had no hope. In the place she wanted to fit in most, she had no niche, no special feeling of acceptance. She was miserable and saw no way out. She asked me to pray for her and I did. I still do. There is no telling what happened to this young lady who is about twenty-two by now. She left no forwarding address, just a maroon tie with frogs and toads.

When I talked to my classes about my long-ago student, it was evident that a number of my kids can relate to her plight. I can't and I am glad I can't even though I do my best to commiserate. Instability in that girl's home life, either real or imagined, led her to doubt that she had a place where she belonged. She had an additional burden to bear and she rarely seemed happy. Kids who never have to question whether they are loved or wanted at home, whether it be a one or two parent family, may still struggle but they have something to fall back on. After our game yesterday, Catherine (third grade) and Christina (first grade) corralled me as I left the gym. The sisters were adorably outfitted in their Brownies' outfits, selling Girl Scout Cookies. I did my duty: one box of Thin Mints. (I demanded my cookies today. Apparently, there is more than a 24 hour turnaround!) I love their family. Their dad is on our board of directors and their mother is a pediatrician. These sisters have two middle school brothers who are active in just about everything Westbury Christian has to offer. By spending just a few minutes with these little girls, you can tell about their home life without setting foot in their house. They carry themselves with the assurance that they are loved. My dad preaches a sermon called The Blessing, based on the way mothers and fathers give their approval to their children. Catherine and Christina have been blessed by their mom and dad. The girl who gave me the tie was not, or at least felt she was not. Maybe her parents simply did not have it to give. The apostle John assures us in his first epistle with these words:
"How great is the love the father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" (1st John 3:1)
That is the definition of blessed assurance. If only everyone could feel that love! I know two who do and one who did not.

Applicable quote of the day:
"The family is the school of duties, founded on love."
Felix Adler

God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1

Passing By Jordyn

 

Passing By Jordyn

(Not Jordyn's house or driveway or basketball goal!)

Jordyn now works with us! This is from April 26, 2015.

Jordyn is one of my favorite kids to ever coach and there have been plenty to choose from. She's a delightful seventh grader who works hard- she was our most improved player as a sixth grader and played considerably more this season. She is diligent in academics and her mother, Jennifer, was an AWESOME TEAM MOM this season! When she was in first grade, Jordyn was the flower girl in a wedding I preached and I think we started bonding then. There is one more thing- Jordyn practically lives next door to me. She lives one street over from my apartment complex- in fact, her grandparents also live where I do. I would guess I drive by her house fifteen times per week. There is a driveway adjacent to her home and guess what is next to the garage- a basketball goal! I have even seen an outdoor ball in that driveway on occasion. But, do you know what I have never seen? I have never seen Jordyn shooting that ball at that basket in that driveway in that house on that street one block over from my apartment. The ball is evidence that she is honing her game but it has never happened when I am in the neighborhood. I have even seen Jordyn in our apartment pool with her grandma and grandpa but it's been a no go on the hoop stuff.

Recently, I told Jordyn that if I ever drive by and see her shooting, I will pull into the drive and give her $5 on the spot. On Friday, she asked me when I am likely to drive by. Truthfully, I responded that I have no idea. Sometimes it's before 6 AM and sometimes after dark. Tonight after worship, I passed by and no Jordyn. In her defense, though, there had been a rain shower in the previous thirty minutes so that's a good excuse. It's a silly thing but if Jordyn goes out to shoot with the hope that I might drive by, I'm a better coach, she's a better shooter, and she's five dollars closer to a nice Mother's Day Gift. WIN-WIN-WIN!

You know, I can relate to Jordyn asking me about times and dates when I might be in the very near vicinity of her personal arena. I wish I knew how my trip to Vietnam would go this summer. I wish I knew when I was going to get married or the date I would die. And I really wish I knew when the Lord would return. But if I could foresee the future, it wouldn't be in my best interest, as the Lord who knows all knows. I might pace myself and put things off which need doing because, you know, there's still time! So this is the lesson: Live in the present, live for today, and most of all, live in the Lord each and every day. And if you happen to be a seventh grade girl, work on your jump shot!

Applicable quote of the day:
"We have a great bunch of outside shooters. Unfortunately, all our games are played indoors." 
Coach Weldon Drew

God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1

You Can Call Me Al (But Not Alice!)

 

You Can Call Me Al (But Not Alice!)

This is from April 16, 2020!

This is about Al Kooper, the musician who is definitely not Alice Cooper, another musician  who rose to fame in roughly the same era of rock and roll. One thing about this quarantine is that I've had time on my hands to do what interests me and sometimes,  that includes youtube. The former history teacher in me loves the story behind the story, especially when it comes to music or movies or television shows. Several days ago, I found an interview with Kooper, a rock legend, on how he became an organist, how he became famous, and how in a sense he changed music in the 1960s. It was so good, I watched it twice.... and it's posted below.

It seems that Mr. Kooper, twenty-one at the time, was a huge Bob Dylan fan. A producer he'd worked with knew it and invited him to watch a Dylan recording session from the booth. But Kooper, a writer and guitar player, brings his instrument and joins the musicians who think nothing of it as they've seen him around. Then, Mike Bloomfield, one of the greatest guitarists of all time, sits down by him and Al, knowing he's out of his league, slides his guitar under the chair and retreats to the booth. In a historic twist of fate, the organist is moved over to the piano so Kooper, who has little keyboard experience, walks back down to the floor uninvited and sits down at a Hammond organ he doesn't even know how to turn on.... but which had not been turned off. Kooper isn't sure he knows the song so he hesitates to jump in but when he does, plays a riff he came up with. When they played it back, Dylan loved it and demanded the organ part be turned up louder. That was the take they kept and Dylan asks Kooper to come back and play organ on the rest of the album. The song,  Like A Rolling Stone, goes to # 1 on Billboard and Al Kooper becomes famous. In his own words, that's how I became an organist. 

There's more to the story as there always is.  Like A Rolling Stone, instantly recognizable by the unique organ introduction, became such a hit that it's ranked as the # 1 rock song of all time by Rolling Stone Magazine. Kooper, who in his own words played out of ignorance, almost immediately became the most imitated organ player in pop music. And he became in such great demand as a session player that he had to work very hard to improve his skill level to merit his new stature. There is a movement to have Kooper enshrined in the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame which is housed in Cleveland. I'm no expert but I would say his work with Dylan that day ranks as a pretty good signature accomplishment for anyone!

I'm no risk taker. In fact, that's why my mother said I wasn't married. She once told me I always liked girls who already had boyfriends so I had an excuse not to ask them out and risk rejection. But if I had been like Al Kooper? Who knows? I know this; I would have never taken the chance he did. His reasoning for going and injecting himself that long ago afternoon was that no one exactly told him he couldn't. I would have been scared to death. Just look at his reward for being bold. Each morning, I read the chapter in Proverbs corresponding with the day of the month so today was Proverbs 16. Within that section of wisdom, I once again read verse 3 which both inspires me and terrifies me: 
Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
and He will establish your plans.
You see, I'm not very good at taking that bold first step of commitment. I can talk myself out of anything. But we are promised that if our will aligns with the Lord's will, He's going to back what we do. I believe that with all my heart but I remain timid when I should step out. We all live with regrets and in my experience, they tend towards opportunities we passed up rather than mistakes we made. Joshua was encouraged numerous times to be strong and courageous when he took over for Moses. I need a dose of that sentiment daily. Maybe I wouldn't have been a rock star but I might have become more than I am.

To watch the Al Kooper interview,  click or copy/paste the link below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZGN7T70rgY

To listen to Bob Dylan's classic Like A Rolling Stone with Al Kooper's organ, click or copy/paste the link below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwOfCgkyEj0

Applicable quote of  the day:
"When I was 21, I was 10% talent and 90% ambition. Now, forty-three years later, it's reversed. I'm 90% talent and 10% ambition."
Al Kooper

God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1

Only The Lonely

 

Only The Lonely

Increasingly, I am aware of those who, by the world's perspective, should be happy but are not. The following is from June 12, 2006 and is about one such individual. 

One of my girlfriends ended up with my Roy Orbison album. I didn't try to get it back; I had her vacuum cleaner so it seemed like a fair trade at the time. One of the first songs I remember hearing as a kid was Orbison's Pretty Woman. Numerous boys who listened to that opening riff dreamed of playing the guitar. My most preferred Orbison tune would be his 1960 smash, Only The Lonely. Listening to those lyrics made me sure that Orbison must have first-hand knowledge of serious desolation. Plus, how could any male hit that impossibly high note on the line, You gotta take? He always seemed stiff and formal on stage. The story goes that his trademark dark glasses came about one night when he misplaced his regular pair, substituted his prescription shades during his performance, and the crowd loved the image. I was always struck by two characteristics of this original crooner from west Texas, who impacted the Beatles. He was incredibly homely in a profession that rewards appearance and he always sounded very sad. Last week, there was a PBS special on Roy Orbison. I only caught glimpses but I learned several horrific facts from Orbison's biography. In 1966, his wife, Claudette, was killed in a motorcycle accident in Tennessee. Only two years later, while Roy was touring in Europe, two of his three sons died in a house fire outside Nashville. Roy Orbison lived twenty more years, dying of a heart attack in 1988 at fifty-two. Gauging from his pictures, I would have guessed late sixties. Grief ages us.

Roy Orbison seems to me a most unlikely music star. He lacked the looks and the charisma the public craves but he had a realism that ordinary men and women could relate to. Jesus was an unlikely Messiah, at least in the eye of many contemporaries who were faithfully awaiting a more traditional king of the people. Isaiah's references to the coming Savior painted the picture of the one who would change the world's theology and fill the role as the ultimate redeemer of sinful humanity:
"He has no form or comeliness;
And when we see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
He is despised and rejected by men,
A man of sorrow and acquainted with grief."
Isaiah 53:2,3 (New King James)
We have to get past preconceived notions to the message that he brought to this desperate world. Apparently, he didn't look the part but beauty cannot save the souls of mankind. Look at what Isaiah says HE did for us:
HE took our infirmities and carried our sorrows.
HE was pierced for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquities.
HE took our sin.
And HE could do it because HE knew who we were- HE was one of us. That favorite Roy Orbison song of mine opens with the words, Only the lonely, know the way I feel tonight. Most can empathize with his sentiments because we've been there: the loneliness, the pain, the grief. Our redeemer has been there, too. Roy Orbison verbalized the human condition through the gift of his music. Jesus saved us from that human condition by the gift of his life. His blood was the eternal cure for our loneliness and every other piece of baggage that travels with it.


Applicable quote of the day:
"I may be a living legend but that sure don't help when I've got to change a flat tire."
Roy Orbison


To listen to Roy Orbison sing Only The Lonely, click or copy/paste the link below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2whGEvy13Ag

God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1

The Color Purple

 

The Color Purple

If you are a regular reader, you know I avoid controversial subjects and politics. There are plenty of sites where you can get your fill of those topics. However, we are in a presidential election year in the US and so this seems a good time to bring this up. We take voting for granted here- they don't in other countries. The following is from December 16, 2005.

My students made birthday cards for my mother who will turn eighty this Sunday. A number of the kids asked me Mom's favorite color- I had to confess I did not know but I guessed green based on the clothes I remember her wearing. Red and white are popular shades during this Christmas season. Blue has always been my favorite but it has temporarily been superseded by a color I would never be caught dead wearing- purple. News accounts of the first Iraqi Parliamentary elections in years showed more than 11 million voters participated. That, in spite of internal squabbling, religious factions, and the threat of terrorist attacks at polling places. Apathy in our country where voting is made as painless as possible is rampant. We are lucky to have 40% voter turnout in Congressional elections in non-Presidential years. The Iraqi turnout- 70%! We are pampered but don't show up while they are threatened with death and turn out in mass. What caught my attention was the reaction of those who had cast their ballots. To mark those who had already voted, the index fingers of right hands were dipped in purple ink. There they were, proud and brave Iraqis proudly and defiantly raising their fingers to show they had fulfilled their patriotic duty. The Iraq question is a volatile one in American politics today but whatever side you fall on, you have to admire the purple fingered citizens who have the guts to give the political process a fighting chance. That's why today, I'm all about purple.

What marks the Christian? Paul said he carried the marks of Jesus on his body and the Holy Spirit would mark us as a seal. It might not be instantaneous but love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self control should be visible in our lives to those with whom we spend significant hours. Peter tells us that if we live good lives, even non-believers will take notice and give praise to the Lord. Jesus preached that if our light shines, people will take notice. Little kids sing, "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!" Guess which finger they hold up? The index finger of the right hand! There has to be a correlation there. In an evil world, it should be easy to identify the righteous, just as clearly as if we had our right index fingers dipped in purple ink.

Applicable quote of the day:
"The ballot is stronger than bullets."
Joseph A. Schumpeter

God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1

I'm An I As In I Don't Like To Hear The Phone Ring

 

I'm An I As In I Don't Like To Hear The Phone Ring

This entry, inspired by a former basketball manager/student/favorite  people the world ,is from April 13, 2020!

Last week, one of my former students/basketball managers messaged me a picture on Facebook. The photo Jenny uploaded was from the time when my dad administered the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to my basketball team at Friendship Christian School and then did a short workshop for them when he and Mom were in town, which happened to be Lebanon, Tennessee. (Almost every Lady Commander wanted to know what type of boy their type of girl would marry!) My dad, after his years in ministry, earned his PhD in clinical psychology from the University of Nebraska. He loved using the Myers-Briggs, a tool which based on a test, divides people into one of sixteen personality groupings. As you can see at the top, I am an INFJ which stands for Introverted (I)ntuitive Feeling Judging.  You might be interested to know that it is the rarest type with only one 1% of the population falling into this category. Before you get too impressed, you should know that while Gandhi is assumed to have been an INFJ, so is Hitler. After my Facebook post, I heard from several former students and colleagues that they were also INFJs. Not surprisingly, I have very fond memories of all of them.

If you know me, you aren't surprised to learn I'm an introvert- many students are. I tell them in class, I play the role of a teacher. One of the nicest compliments I've had was from a colleague.  He said I was the most natural teacher he knew, like I was born one. I don't know if it's true but it was very kind. The truth is, I only like the teaching/coaching part as it deals with kids. That's why I never wanted to be an administrator, a group I admire, because they deal with adults. As an INFJ, I'm non-confrontational and I've had very few confrontations with teens over the years. For the most part, kids get the order of things, making it easy. And as an introvert I'm ready for the day to be over- I need to charge my emotional batteries to get ready for tomorrow.

I was one of the last people I know to get a cell phone. It took Dad having a stroke and my being called out of class to have someone  gift me a pre-paid Tracfone which I used for several years- it was a blessing in dealing with family issues. The time came for me to replace it and with help from Lisa Berglund, I bought an ATT flip phone. It wasn't difficult to figure out even though it took several years until I learned how to text. But having a cell phone and getting joy out of one are two different animals. You see, I cringe every time it rings. Don't get me wrong. I love conversations with family members and close friends but I dislike talking on the phone. It's much easier for me to interact on Facebook or by e-mail. In those mediums, I'm less awkward and don't have to handle the ending of the back and forth. There will be weeks where I don't get a call or text and consecutive days where I don't even turn the phone on. Maybe it has to do with almost all calls come when I'm not in school, when I'm regrouping. Maybe I dread the person on the other end is mad at me, which has only happened about once in all the times I've ever talked on any sort of phone. Maybe that's why I rarely give out my number or have never learned how to save numbers in my cell. I hope you don't hate me. If you do, please just send me an e-mail.

Do you know what I'm really happy about? I'm very, very glad that our Father in Heaven is not like me. He's willing to listen to me anytime. He doesn't go into hiding or only pick up if He's certain of who is on the other end. He's not worried about what I'm going to ask or divulge or confess or plead for. He doesn't keep His access a secret and He doesn't have to take time off to recharge His batteries. The truth is, He knows exactly  what I am and who I am because He, through my mom (an Introvert) and my dad (an extreme extrovert) made me. And praise God, He still loves me.

To read some interesting thoughts about INFJs, click the link below--- but you don't have to if you don't want to! https://introvertdear.com/news/infj-secrets/

Applicable quote of the day:
I would admit I'm an introvert. I don't know why introverts have to apologize.                                       Bill Gross

God bless,
Steve
Luke 18:1